# House Rules

The other day I instituted House Rules again. It’s been a few years.

House Rules

The kids and I sat down and decided together what the rules should be, and what the consequences would be for breaking them. There were a lot of laughs, and jokes, and ridiculous suggestions: consequence #1, no pants. #2, no talking, #3, someone farts on you…

In the end we came up with a good list and reasonable punishments. But in the middle of writing them out the boy throws a toy across the room (Rule #3) and he eagerly asked, “Do I have to do a 10-minute Timeout now?”

I explained, no, we are still writing the rules.

Later on, after we taped them up and signed them the boy comes back to me, asking, “Do I have to do my timeout now?”

I was puzzled. “Do you want to do the timeout?”

He jumped up and down, “Yes Yes!”

This has got to be a first. Ever.

# Presents…We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Presents

I was getting the bath ready for the girl, when the boy asked, “Momma, what am I going to do while she is in the bath?”

I replied, “I dunno.”

He replied, “Oh, I KNOW! I could wrap presents for her!”

I stopped mid-((whatever I was doing)) and smiled.

“Yes, yes you can wrap presents.”

So they both wrapped 3 presents for each other, and I wrapped none. Sure, they look like Martha Stewart’s anti-christ presents. But who cares.

WINNING!

# The \$.05 Jar

We have instituted some house rules recently. One of which is no whining or screaming. The consequence is \$.05 in the jar.

I should make it \$0.25 and use the quarters for laundry. But then I’d have to give out more money, to get it back

# Empty Promises

This is the face I make when I hear another empty promise from my Ex. I know I should be past it by now. But seriously people, I am only human!

I am past the “I’ll call them tomorrow” kind of promises. I’m past the “I had this idea…” conversations that lead to no where. It’s the empty promises that the kids hold on to with every ounce of their being that leads me to make that face.

This past summer…6 months ago…the Ex felt bad about not being able to see them as much as he wanted. He did just get a job afterall—after 1.5 years of unemployment spent NOT looking for a job. I digress. And without a license (which was revoked) he couldn’t drive the 300 miles to see them.

So what does he do? He decides to dangle a golden, candy-filled carrot in front of them to ensure they will not lose faith in him. Because buying love beats following through with things and earning their faith.

“I’m sorry I can’t (insert last promise) like I said we would do. But I had this idea. I’m going to rent a RV next year when I get my license back. And we are going to spend the summer driving from one amusement park to another. How does that sound?”

I can’t make this stuff up people. I cannot go 2 weeks without hearing about this from one of the kids. And if I were them, I would do the same thing. I truly cannot wait to pick up the pieces of their shattered minds next year when this promise doesn’t pan out (yes, that is sarcasm). And it won’t.

((sigh))

# The Power of The Simpson’s Compels You

I have been trying to get out to get my custom shoe inserts for a while now. My feet hurt again, even though the cortizone shots were suppose to work for 6 months. But I haven’t had a free lunch hour in weeks. It’s either this appt for the girl, or that appt for the boy, or grocery shopping. Today was suppose to be the day.
Then work happened.
{{I’m not 100% sure I can grip about work here}}

So I square everything away only to realize I still cannot go! I won’t be back in time to get the kids from the bus. So now I have to get the kids FROM school and bring them with me. Then the boy drops a toy under the back seat, into some floor vent and is hysterical. It’s a part of his Ninjago set.
REALLY!?

Now I am dismantling the car, in the cold, and my ARRGGG meter has already blown up. How do I stop myself from throttling the boy like Homer does to Bart? I think back to 20 minutes before, when we were riding in the car and the kids were quoting lines from “The Simpson Movie.” Yes, yes. It’s PG-13 and inappropriate for kids. Much of it goes over their head. But you know it’s funny…really funny…

“We have a great life here in Alaska, and we’re never going back to America again!”

___________

Marge: Homer, you have to go out there, face that mob, and apologize for what you did.
Homer: I would, but I’m afraid if I open the door, they’ll take all of you!
Carl: No we won’t. We just want Homer!
Homer: Well, maybe not you, but they’ll kill Grandpa!
Grandpa: I’m part of the mob!

______________

[Bart claps]
Lisa: What are you doing, Bart?
Bart: Eh, just passing the time.
[Bart claps, snow repeatedly falls on Homer]
Homer: Aw, my boy loves Alaska so much, he’s applauding it. Lisa, why aren’t you clapping?
[Lisa claps along with Bart]
Homer: [Homer is buried under an avalanche]

__________

…and then I smile again.

# Why Mitt Can’t Blame Us Single Parents for Gun Violence

Posted: 10/17/2012 8:35 am

I was annoyed during most of last night’s presidential debate, but when Mitt Romney insinuated that single-parent families are to blame for gun violence in America, my blood pressure shot through the roof.I’m a single mother. A proud one. And Romney’s remarks are ignorant, insulting and based on stereotypes that degrade the hard work single parents do every day.

When a member of the audience at Tuesday night’s debate asked what each candidate would do to keep assault weapons off the streets, Romney launched a baseless diatribe about making sure we have more two-parent families in this country, therefore equating gun violence with single parenthood.

May I remind him that the shooter in the assault on Arizona Congresswoman Gabby Giffords and the alleged shooter in the Colorado movie theater attack were both single men with no children? Can I point out that Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris, the boys who massacred their classmates at Columbine High School in 1999, had parents who were married? Can anyone show me one instance of a single mother caught packing an AK-47 in her diaper bag?

This is not the first time we’ve heard a Republican candidate for president blaming solo parents for society’s ills. Last March, it was Rick Santorum, who said on the record that single mothers were ruining the fabric of our country by “breeding more criminals.”

Well, my little “criminal” just turned six-years-old. Her name is Angie, and she’s learning how to count money and tell time. She was student of the month at her school and the top reader in the library’s summer reading program. She’s becoming a pretty good soccer player, too. Last week, she scored two goals in one game.

I’ve been a single mother to her since she was two-years-old — not because I had her before I was married but because her father, after twelve years of marriage, decided he was in love with someone else and wanted a divorce. It happens. Life goes on.

Things get pretty hectic around our house, but Angie and I still find time to bake, read and do crafts together. That’s what single parents do. We don’t plot ways to break the law or riot in the streets with our pistols and semi-automatics (as a matter of fact, I had to Google “types of guns” just to write this). No, what we do is get our children off to school on time. We help them with their homework. We go to our jobs and our night classes, to our kids’ parent-teacher conferences and band practices. And we watch presidential debates so we’ll know who to vote for, who will have our best interests in mind.

I’m sick of the cliche that single parents, especially mothers, are lazy, society-sucking welfare cases, and that their children are growing up to be delinquents. The truth is 79 percent of single mothers and 92 percent of single fathers have jobs. Many live off low incomes, but most receive no public assistance. More than half are raising only one child. The majority of us are responsible people, and we are raising our children to be responsible, to be kind, to value education and pursue their talents. To assume otherwise is to feed the stereotype, to perpetuate the myth.

Ask President Obama. His own mother was a single mom, and she raised him to become president.

Perhaps Romney apologized for his ridiculous comments regarding single parents and gun violence in his closing remarks last night. I missed the tail end of the debate, after all. I had to turn off the television and put my daughter to bed — because that’s what real single parents do.

# Calendars

Does having 4 separate calendars make me a more organized person?

Yes. Yes it does.

1. Weekly home calendar on desk
2. Monthly work calendar under keyboard
3. Monthly home calendar in purse
4. Weekly home/kid/dinner schedule calendar near fridge

I figure, if I am reading the same appointment 3 times a day (DENTIST APPOINTMENT) how can I forget it? My brain loves to take on this challenge sometimes and raise its finger at all 4 calendars and say, “Oh YEAH!?” Then obliterate any mention of dentists or teeth from my memory. BAZINGA!

# Why is it…

Why is it that I think of the BEST blog posts when I’m in the shower? Where is a waterproof whiteboard when you need one, am I right?!