House Rules

The other day I instituted House Rules again. It’s been a few years.

House Rules

House Rules

The kids and I sat down and decided together what the rules should be, and what the consequences would be for breaking them. There were a lot of laughs, and jokes, and ridiculous suggestions: consequence #1, no pants. #2, no talking, #3, someone farts on you…

In the end we came up with a good list and reasonable punishments. But in the middle of writing them out the boy throws a toy across the room (Rule #3) and he eagerly asked, “Do I have to do a 10-minute Timeout now?”

I explained, no, we are still writing the rules.

Later on, after we taped them up and signed them the boy comes back to me, asking, “Do I have to do my timeout now?”

I was puzzled. “Do you want to do the timeout?”

He jumped up and down, “Yes Yes!”

This has got to be a first. Ever.

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Presents…We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Presents

badly-wrapped-presentI was getting the bath ready for the girl, when the boy asked, “Momma, what am I going to do while she is in the bath?”

I replied, “I dunno.”

He replied, “Oh, I KNOW! I could wrap presents for her!”

I stopped mid-((whatever I was doing)) and smiled.

“Yes, yes you can wrap presents.”

So they both wrapped 3 presents for each other, and I wrapped none. Sure, they look like Martha Stewart’s anti-christ presents. But who cares.

WINNING!

Empty Promises

ImageThis is the face I make when I hear another empty promise from my Ex. I know I should be past it by now. But seriously people, I am only human!

I am past the “I’ll call them tomorrow” kind of promises. I’m past the “I had this idea…” conversations that lead to no where. It’s the empty promises that the kids hold on to with every ounce of their being that leads me to make that face.

This past summer…6 months ago…the Ex felt bad about not being able to see them as much as he wanted. He did just get a job afterall—after 1.5 years of unemployment spent NOT looking for a job. I digress. And without a license (which was revoked) he couldn’t drive the 300 miles to see them.

So what does he do? He decides to dangle a golden, candy-filled carrot in front of them to ensure they will not lose faith in him. Because buying love beats following through with things and earning their faith.

“I’m sorry I can’t (insert last promise) like I said we would do. But I had this idea. I’m going to rent a RV next year when I get my license back. And we are going to spend the summer driving from one amusement park to another. How does that sound?”

I can’t make this stuff up people. I cannot go 2 weeks without hearing about this from one of the kids. And if I were them, I would do the same thing. I truly cannot wait to pick up the pieces of their shattered minds next year when this promise doesn’t pan out (yes, that is sarcasm). And it won’t.

((sigh))

The Power of The Simpson’s Compels You

I have been trying to get out to get my custom shoe inserts for a while now. My feet hurt again, even though the cortizone shots were suppose to work for 6 months. But I haven’t had a free lunch hour in weeks. It’s either this appt for the girl, or that appt for the boy, or grocery shopping. Today was suppose to be the day.
Then work happened.
{{I’m not 100% sure I can grip about work here}}

So I square everything away only to realize I still cannot go! I won’t be back in time to get the kids from the bus. So now I have to get the kids FROM school and bring them with me. Then the boy drops a toy under the back seat, into some floor vent and is hysterical. It’s a part of his Ninjago set.
REALLY!?

Now I am dismantling the car, in the cold, and my ARRGGG meter has already blown up. How do I stop myself from throttling the boy like Homer does to Bart? I think back to 20 minutes before, when we were riding in the car and the kids were quoting lines from “The Simpson Movie.” Yes, yes. It’s PG-13 and inappropriate for kids. Much of it goes over their head. But you know it’s funny…really funny…

“We have a great life here in Alaska, and we’re never going back to America again!”

___________

Marge: Homer, you have to go out there, face that mob, and apologize for what you did.
Homer: I would, but I’m afraid if I open the door, they’ll take all of you!
Carl: No we won’t. We just want Homer!
Homer: Well, maybe not you, but they’ll kill Grandpa!
Grandpa: I’m part of the mob!

______________

[Bart claps]
Lisa: What are you doing, Bart?
Bart: Eh, just passing the time.
[Bart claps, snow repeatedly falls on Homer]
Homer: Aw, my boy loves Alaska so much, he’s applauding it. Lisa, why aren’t you clapping?
Lisa: But Dad!
Homer: [sternly] Clap for Alaska!
[Lisa claps along with Bart]
Homer: [Homer is buried under an avalanche]

__________

…and then I smile again.