Head vs. Heart—Welcome to the Tractor Pull

I can just hear it now—Competition

SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY—the main event! The “Head” takes on the “Heart.” Be there, be there, be there! We’ll give you the whole seat, but you’ll only need the edge!

Was that too dramatic? That’s kind of how I feel sometimes—my heart wants to do this, while my brain knows better. It always knows better. Stupid brain.

As a single mother, taking care of yourself, well it rarely happens. But it should. Don’t flight attendants always tell you to put your oxygen mask on first, then your child’s? But for years it’s been my sole responsibility to make sure those kids had everything they needed. Now they know that I will give up doing something for myself in order to provide for them. But I wonder if that’s healthy for anyone?

Case in point:

I have a meeting I have to go to this week. At the same time as a school event being held at McDonald’s. Not any McD’s—the one with the Play Place. Once my son heard he wasn’t going to be able to go, he broke down. Side note: my son doesn’t throw tantrums any more. He might get mad but he won’t break down. What a relief right? So this is how I know he was really upset.

Boy did my heart strings get pulled! I overcompensate for them due to the challenges they have had to face already in their short lives. I do all that I can to see that they are happy. But then my brain kicks in. It says he will be just fine if he is disappointed. So I let him cry.

And he cried and cried. Then he lost it in his room and began screaming. I let it blow over. Once he calmed himself down I took him aside and reminded him that the whole school was invited to ONE McD’s and if his goal was the play in the Play Place, then we really should go on another day. The light bulb went off in his head and he smiled.

In this case it was easier because he IS getting what he wants, he just has to wait. But it’s not always so cut and dry. I am always letting go of my things because of Girl/Cub Scouts, birthday parties, when one is sick, when one is in trouble…and I don’t always have the money for a babysitter or a reliable backup. Their father lives in a different state, my fiance takes his own classes, and my friends are often in the same boat as me.

It’s frustrating. I don’t have any answers. But I know if I don’t stay healthy and put my mask on first—the whole plane is goin’ down!

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My Son is Seven

Seven. It’s the magic number…(everyone…sing along!) Oh wait, I think that’s six.

He was actually 4 or 5 here.

He was actually 4 or 5 here.

My son is now seven. And it is a magical thing, because boys are magical—if you are able to stop and just see it. The kids are with their Dad for the week (God help me) and I have been able to gain perspective with a bit of distance. I don’t like the distance—write that down—but there are good things about it.

As I was thoroughly cleaning his room, I am reminded of him everywhere I look.
He wanted Transformers for his birthday, but we quickly realized even I cannot change the robot into the truck in under 30 minutes without swearing. He is slowly giving up his Thomas the Tank Engine phase, which started only 2 years ago. He still loves playing dress-up but only if the costume is right-in-front-of-his-face. He cannot be bothered to look for the costume. He really enjoyes Legos but gets frustrated easily.

The amount of energy this child has could power the world for a year.

He loves it when you read to him, but don’t expect him to sit quietly at the same time. Instead you will see him go from this side of the bed to that side, to OFF the bed to get another toy, to have 2 toys engage in conversation with each other then suddenly…”Wait Momma. How can Jack and Annie go into the Jungle at night without a flashlight?” proving he was paying very close attention the whole time.

He loves to play any board game or card game. He also still loves to SPINNNNN wildly around the living room like he did when he was 2. When he watches TV, rarely is he sitting on his butt. More likely he is sitting on his head. He never walks. Never.

He loves playing video games but always makes sure his sister is close by to “help” him get to the next level. He absolutely loves babies. We have a friend who has 12 cats. That’s right, 12. When we visit, you can see him sitting amongst his pride, like a Momma Lion.

I’ve mentioned more than a 1,000 times, “You cannot attack-hug people.” This is when you run up to a friend and suddenly give them a fierce hug. He will eat all your food—like that of a teenager—when he is going through a growth spurt. ALL OF IT. He is the same height as his sister who is 3 years older than him and is one of the tallest in his class.

He’s not so fond of his sister’s pet snake. He’d rather have a dog. He tells me he is big enough to go to the playground by himself (100 yards away) but often asks me to read my book by his nightlight as he falls asleep. He also doesn’t like to let go when I hug him goodnight.

He doesn’t like to play by himself. He craves attention and people. The kids come home from school while I am still working and I was getting frustrated when he would ask 100 times, “Can you play NOW?” What I find works is for him to play next to me. Just having me there is enough. He is getting very strong. He is my go-to-guy to help me carry out the garbage, bring in groceries, or do the laundry in the complex basement.

He and I like the same kind of music—mostly classic rock. But anything with a good guitar lick or strong drumline will do. He tells me his favorite is Stevie Ray Vaughn. Everytime he writes or draws, he sticks out his tongue and licks his lips. Everytime. His favorite thing to eat is Mac & Cheese.

My little boy isn’t so little anymore. I can’t pick him up but I still have to cut his meat. I cannot give him a piggy-back-ride, but I still have to help him zip his jacket sometimes. He can pop a wheelie on his bike but if he scraps his knee he still wants me to kiss it.

Don’t grow up so fast. Slow down.

Calendars

Does having 4 separate calendars make me a more organized person?

Yes. Yes it does.

  1. Weekly home calendar on desk
  2. Monthly work calendar under keyboard
  3. Monthly home calendar in purse
  4. Weekly home/kid/dinner schedule calendar near fridge

I figure, if I am reading the same appointment 3 times a day (DENTIST APPOINTMENT) how can I forget it? My brain loves to take on this challenge sometimes and raise its finger at all 4 calendars and say, “Oh YEAH!?” Then obliterate any mention of dentists or teeth from my memory. BAZINGA!

10 Things I’ve Learned as a Single Mom

1. There are never enough hours in the day

2. Breakfast for dinner is OK

3. Being a single mom with a chronic illness means some days my kids put themselves to bed, and it won’t kill them

4. Kids survive divorce, and so do you

5. Overcompensating for the absent parent only tires you out to a point where you become unable to provide

6. Some days you want to crawl back to bed, some days you can take on the world, and some days you feel both during the same day

7. Asking for help is the most difficult thing for me because single parents are “expected” to handle it all. And it’s a lie.

8. If given the choice between cleaning or playing Battleship!, pick Battleship!

9. Take time out for yourself as often as possible. It refills your sanity basket.

10. Laugh